This is going to be long, but I'm royally pissed, so I'll just indulge.
Last year, right around my birthday, our neighbor C. came and told us that her friend Debbie was pregnant and that she wanted to give her baby for adoption. She was 8 months along and a family from New York that was going to adopt the baby just got cold feet, so she was desperately looking for a family for her baby. C. brought Debbie home and introduced us to her, and things got rolling. We took Debbie to the agency, and after we offered to help her with anything she needed, she told us that she just needed help with the deposit for her new apartment, because she really wanted to move closer to her dad. We didn't end up helping her with that, but we said that we would help her with whatever she needed through the agency. So she finally went to LDS Family Services and filled up the paperwork.
Everything was way fast after that. One Saturday night we were told that Debbie was on labor, so we got there and the baby came pretty late at night. Debbie wanted us to be in the room, and she even asked me to cut the umbilical cord. It was awkward as heck, but I figured that we might as well humor her, since she was giving us her baby!
The morning after the baby was born we went to the hospital to finish all the paperwork, and Bobby's (the birth father) mom came and gave us the evilest look I've ever seen and closed the room's door, leaving us outside. Geoff was with us, and when we entered the room to get our bags, Geoff said to her "nice to meet you," and she replied "well, it's not nice to meet you." After that everything went down. Our neighbor C. sent us a text message that afternoon telling us that Debbie had changed her mind and that she didn't want us to hate her, that she wanted to give our presents back (which were worth over $300, and which she never did give back!).
We felt bad, we cried, cursed, felt better, and eventually got over it. We saw Debbie at Walmart once, and it was tough. We walked the other way, fast, and I felt pretty crappy for a little while. We though, "well, she's the mom, and it must be dang hard to depart with a child. If it was hard for us, imagine how hard it must have been for her."
Well, that was six months ago, and it seems that Debbie is pregnant again. Our case worker sent us an email today, and this is what it says:
Dear Manuel and Megan,
I received an interesting email from the Salt Lake agency that might hold some interest for you two. It seems that Debbie is pregnant again and going through a Salt Lake agency to place her baby for adoption. I guess she confided in her landlord that she pretends that she is going to place her baby for adoption so that she can get her rent paid and other money and she told her landlord that she has done this twice before. Her landlord then contacted the Salt Lake agency to let them know that Debbie was scamming them and another adoptive couple. The Salt Lake agency sent out an email to all of the agencies along the Wasatch front to warn them of her in case she tries to go to another agency once they confront her. I thought I'd let you know for your own piece of mind that there was nothing you could have done because it looks like she was seeking out someone she could con in order to get money and rent. I know that knowing that doesn't take the pain away, but maybe knowing what her motives were from the beginning can give you some closure.
I hope you're doing well.
In part, it did bring closure, because now I don't feel so guilty for hating her guts, and now I know that we never had a chance of having that baby. Her purpose all along was to scam us. She was good though. There were some weird things going on, but we never suspected anything. For instance, I never understood why Bobby's mom waited until after the baby was born to come and talk them out of giving away the baby. I never understood how it could be that while Debbie was in labor, and Bobby knew that she was going to give his baby away, he was just sitting all relaxed playing with his PSP. That's why she was asking for money even before we took her to the agency. Fortunately, we told her that we would give her the money through the agency, because that was the right procedure, and that saved us hundreds. Maybe the New York adopting couple never actually existed. Or if it did, she scammed them too and went on to the next suckers.
The crappiest thing about this whole deal was that, when Debbie changed her mind, she didn't even tell us, but she made her friend C. text us with the news. There was a lot of back and forth messages between the family, and this is something I compiled from my cell phone back then and that Meg never felt comfortable with me sharing, mostly because she was concerned about Debbie, even though I wasn't going to post her name. Now who cares, right? I called it "A Text Message Ordeal," after that classic "An Ordeal by Check."
.
We met Debbie through our neighbour C*. Debbie came home the same day that C* told us about it, and we had a great time talking to her. She told us that she wanted to place her baby for adoption since she learned that she was pregnant, because with a baby already, it was very hard for her to go to school and to hopefully get a job. Her boyfriend works at the air bag factory and they can't even afford to pay the rent. He has an amazing PSP collection though. She found a family in New York that was going to adopt her baby, but when they found out that her family had history of depresion, they decided that they didn't want the baby after all. One month before giving birth, she felt very stressed and almost desperate thinking what she could do with her baby. After meeting us, she told our neighbor C* that she really liked us, and that with us, the baby would have oportunities that he would never have otherwise. (In other words: she came to us and basically told us that she needed us to take her baby). Last Thursday Debbie called and said that the baby was coming two weeks early, either Thursday night or Friday morning. This is the series of messages between us, C* and our friends and family.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
Debbie: The birth mother who was going to let us adopt her baby.
C*: The neighbor who introduced us to Debbie
F*: Friends
Martha, Heather, Matias, Jonatan, Cory: Family
M&M: Us
_____________________
F1: Is your baby being born? (8:30pm 9/18/18)
M&M: Any moment now.
F1: Really? :) Are you happy? (8:41pm 9/18/18)
M&M: Well Yeah!
F1: Is everything arranged with the adoption? (8:42pm 9/18/18)
M&M: Yes, everything's ready.
Heather: Got baby? (4:17am 9/19/18)
M&M: Not yet
Martha: I have the crib at home. As soon as you tell us to, we'll take it there. (4:42pm 9/19/18)
M&M: Thanks. My sister in law will loan us a bassinet for now, so we could wait a week.
Martha: Ok
______
M&M: No news yet.
Matias: Shoot! Keep me posted. (12:24pm 9/20/18)
M&M: He's coming!!!
Matias: Coming out of the belly, or coming home? (9:30pm 9/20/18)
M&M: Out of the belly
Jonatan: Really?????? Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, man !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (9:31pm 9/20/18)
Matias: Way to go! Are you in the hospital now? (9:32pm 9/20/18)
M&M: Yes, the family of the girl is here as well.
Jonatan: You have to tell me when it's a good moment to call you!!! Or to go to your house to greet little Anthony!!! :) (9:34pm 9/20/18)
M&M: Sure thing
Matias: Are you going to cut the cord? Will they let you? I didn't dare! (10:11pm 9/20/18)
M&M: We are still waiting. The nurse says that he might come before 1am. About the cord, I have no idea. The girl's boyfriend is here, so it would be weird... (She eventually asked me to please cut the cord, so I did. It was awkward as heck.)
Matias: Yes, it would be weird. Well, whenever Anthony comes call me so we can talk. We are very happy for you. (11:09pm 9/20/18)
______
Manuel: He was born! He's beautiful! Like the adoptive dad! (In Spanish)
Megan: We are mommy and daddy now. He is beautiful and happy and healthy!
Martha: Congratulations! And welcome Anthony. What time was he borh? How much did he weigh? (1:59am 9/21/18)
F1: Yay! (2:08am 9/21/18)
F2: I have been praying for you all including Anthony! When do you get him? (2:09am 9/21/18)
Jonatan: I'm sure!!!!!!!! Congratulations, man, we love you a lot and you'll always be in our hearts!!! At what time was he born? (2:13am 9/21/18)
M&M: At 1:30. He weighs 1.91 kg and he's 17 inches long.
F1: Give him a good squish for me!! Haha. (3:07am 9/21/18)
M&M: Will do!
Heather: Congrats! (3:20am 9/21/18)
Matias: Congratulations. Did they confirm that you will get him? Can we go visit you today? Sorry I didn't reply sooner, but my text messages don't make a sound. (7:27am 9/21/18)
M&M: So far, the girl seems pretty set into giving the baby for adoption, but until she doesn't sign the papers I won't be able to breathe calmly... We don't get the baby until Monday, so if you want you could come Wednesday when mom and dad come. I'll call you later and I'll explain more.
Matias: Ok, I'll wait for your call. (7:32am 9/21/18)
Jonatan: Send me a picture :o) (9:42am 9/21/18)
F2: When do you get to bring him home? (10:29am 9/21/18)
M&M: Probably on Monday. He has to stay at the hospital for a couple of days.
Cory: Congratulations..! (11:15am 9/21/18)
F2: How exciting a new baby and citizenship tomorrow! (11:29am 9/21/18)
F2: I cannot believe you are a mom and dad now! CONGRATS! That little boy is the luckiest ever and I have never been happier for new parents (11:42am 9/21/18)
M&M: Thanks so much you're so sweet believe me we're both in a daze!
(We sent a cell picture of the baby to some friends and relatives.)
F1: He has a perfect little head! When does he go home with mom and dad? (1:05pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Tomorrow morning!
F1: Yay!!! (1:07pm 9/21/18)
Jonatan: You're right. He looks just like you! So you say that the best day to visit you is Wednesday? (1:09pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Yes, because the baby won't come home until tomorrow or Tuesday.
Cory: What a bundle of joy! (1:09pm 9/21/18)
______
C*: Debbie is having second thoughts. (2:54pm 9/21/18)
M&M: The boyfriend's mother's doing?
C*: Family came in and I think is pushing her to keep. I am so sorry. (2:56pm 9/21/18)
C*: I truly think so. She is in tears she is so worried about hurting you guys. She has called b* (her case worker). (2:58pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Did she just tell you that?
C*: Yes, I am here now (2:58pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Should we step back for now? I knew that woman was up to no good. We felt a horrible feeling when she showed up. (We didn't get a reply from C* for the longest time.)
M&M: The boyfriend's mother came and started putting things in her head.
Martha: Didn't the case worker visit her? (3:09pm 9/21/18)
M&M: She called her, but she can't do anything if the girl changes her mind.
Martha: What did she tell you? (3:11pm 9/21/18)
M&M: She hasn't told us anything yet. We'll try to visit her later and see what happens.
Matias: Didn't she sign yet? What happens if she changes her mind? (3:29pm 9/21/18)
M&M: If she does we have to find another baby and start all over again.
M&M (To everybody): Just a heads up. Debbie is having second thoughts.
C*: Debbie wants me to bring the gift basket back to you. She is so sick to her stomach. And so afraid you will hate her. (3:46pm 9/21/18)
M&M: I don't care about the gifts and we don't hate her. Does this mean that she changed her mind for sure?
C*: Yes she has and her family is now rushing around to find her stuff for the baby. (2:55pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Ok
C*: I am so sorry. (3:57pm 9/21/18)
Megan: This is really their decision to make and although we are heartbroken we trust in what is meant to be.
C*: I feel the same. (4:01pm 9/21/18)
C*: Part of the decision came from her seeing how hard boyfriend was trying to be brave. He was only giving up the baby because that is what he thought she wanted. (4:04pm 9/21/18)
Megan: We could definitely tell how hard it was for him and admire how brave he was.
____
M&M: Debbie changed her mind but we feel okay about it.
F1: What? (4:13pm 9/21/18)
F1: She is keeping the baby? (4:15pm 9/21/18)
M&M: She is. Can you believe it? That's ok though. Nothing we can do about it. We're hurt but we'll survive :). Thanks for all you've done. You're so awesome!
F1: I am so sorry. Your baby will come soon! (4:35pm 9/21/18)
Manuel: The girl changed her mind and she will keep the baby. It seems that in half an hour she realized of a lot of things that she didn't in ninth months of pregnancy... We're ok. Just a little mad, but we'll be ok.
Martha: God knows why... (4:38pm 9/21/18)
F1: Maybe u could talk to her. she seemed set on the idea. (4:48pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Yes, the agency is still dealing with her, but there's not much hope. She's pretty set on keeping him.
F2: Oh wow I do not know what to say. I am praying for you and Megan. What is meant to be will always find its way. All my love is with you both. (5:56pm 9/21/18)
F2: We are here for you and I know heavenly father will bless you both. I love you both so very much. We will come to Ogden this weekend and celebrate Megan's birthday and your citizenship! Xoxo hugs and kisses! (6:42pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Thank u, we really believe that too but what can i say. This really sucks. It's been a roller coaster experience, we just hope we can gain the faith to try it again sometime. This whole thing was just so rushed and it felt weird too. We are forever grateful for your support.
Jonatan: I love you both. I'm so sorry for what happened! I guess our Lord has plans for each one of us. He loves you so much that He probably has something better for you. I love you and you're in my prayers. (6:48pm 9/21/18)
M&M: True. Someday it will happen for us...
F4: I'm so sorry. Is there something I can do? (6:57pm 9/21/18)
F4: Sure thing. Hang in there we love you! (7:31pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Thanks. We are incredibly disappointed but this is God's will for us now. Just pray for us. Thanks.
F1: How is your night going? Do u need anything? (7:35pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Thank you. We're ok, thanks for thinking of us. We have an outpouring of support and we really believe that things will eventually work out
Martha: My heart aches because I can't calm this pain. But know that we are praying as a family for you. May God give you the consolation and the strength. We love you. (7:59pm 9/21/18)
M&M: Thank you. After crying for a couple of hours we feel better. We have options, and I know that things will be ok eventually, but this was a huge pain. Thanks for being with us and for worrying so much. We love you too.
C*: How are you doing? (9:50pm 9/22/18)
Megan: We are ok, really. Our only concern is for Debbie and the baby. We hope both are okay, but we hope we never have to go through anything like that again. But really, we will be fine, and we're going to keep trying
C*: Ok. Debbie is doing better and the baby is fine. I hope you never go though it either. I kinds feel responsible. I am so sorry. (10:06pm 9/22/18)
Manuel: C*, this is Manuel. I'm glad Debbie is fine and the baby too, but I really don't want to hear anymore about this. I feel that what we've been through was extremely cruel, and I don't blame anybody, it just had to happen I guess, and we were supposed to learn something from this, but right now I'm trying not to think about it anymore. Thanks for your concern though, you've been nothing but supportive and I appreciate and will never forget that.
C*: K
