New Videos of Gabrielito

When Gabe turned 2 (months), we learned that he should be smiling, but he wasn't. That worried us a little bit, and Meg even started fearing autism and what not. But then, about three weeks ago, he started smiling, laughing, talking (in his own language, of course), all at once. He can even stand up. Well, with some help from his dad, you know. But hey, that's good enough for me!





En español!

Cuando cumplió dos meses, edad en la que, según los libros que hemos estado leyendo histericamente, ya debería haber estado sonriendo, Gabriel era tan serio como cuando nació. Por supuesto (como buenos padres histericos que somos) que esto nos preocupó, y Megan incluso empezó a pensar que tal vez el chico era autista! Pero tres semanas atrás, Gabriel empezó a sonreir, a reirse, a hablar (en ese idioma que tiene él), todo de golpe. Incluso puede pararse. Bueno, con un poquito de ayuda del papá; pero como buen padre histerico que soy, eso es más que suficiente!



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Meg's Blog Is Back!

Or at least let's hope so! Check it out, and then come and check mine out again! It gets lonely here...

http://megansaine.blogspot.com/

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On How I got Really Mad at a Poor, Nice Blind Guy

Yesterday we went to have lunch with Meg and Pat to celebrate mother's day. Of course, it was Gabe's diaper changing and feeding time (it's always Gabe's feeding time). I then cavalierly volunteered to change him, hoping the bathroom would have a changing station. Well, it did, but it was inside the handicap's stall, which was occupied, but not only that, the door was wide open, and the guy inside was on the phone loudly setting up an appointment for something or another. I didn't see crutches or a wheelchair, although I didn't really look very intently (it was pretty awkward as it was), so I thought "Well, I've done this same thing enough times. After all, handicap stalls are spacious and comfortable. I'm sure that when he sees me out here waiting with a baby to be changed, he will hurry." But no luck; the guy was really taking his time.

After some five minutes of waiting, and listening to the details of the appointment setting, I decided to unroll the diaper bag's changing pad and change Gabe on the floor, all the while shaking my head and mumbling to myself how horrible and unfair the world was. By the way, the bathroom was pretty small, and I decided to locate myself in a spot where the guy in the stall could see me, but I couldn't see him (again, it was quite awkward already!). "This poor baby crying and my fervid head shaking should show him!" I said to myself. Once I was done, I huffed and puffed out of the bathroom.

A few minutes later, as I was sitting at my table telling Meg and Pat about the rudeness of this stall user, I saw a blind man walking out of the bathroom being guided by a waiter to his table.

Needless to say, I felt like a total jerk and rapidly changed the subject.

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Of How I Could Have Died Today!

Today, as I was in the freeway coming back from work, I looked behind and noticed that a lady in a nice white car was approaching me at a frightening speed. I also noticed that she was on the phone, looking away from the road. I was getting a little scared and I wasn't sure what to do, but then, when she was really, really close to me, she saw me and rapidly veered to the left (I was in the far right lane). When I looked through the rear view mirror, I noticed that she was speeding towards the far left across the freeway. When I looked again, I saw the car roll over in that dirt section between the southbound-northbound freeways. It was insane; I've never seen anything like that.

I immediately pulled over and walked back where the car was. Many police cars were already there, and some ambulances were already on their way. Another guy had already pulled over, and since he was behind the white car, he saw the accident better than me. According to him, the car doors opened when the car was rolling over, and some people flew out of it, maybe kids. I tried to see if the driver and the passengers were OK, but I couldn't see anything at all.

It was strange how calm I was when this all happened. It almost felt like I was watching a movie; it was unreal. But once I started thinking more about it, I became quite shaky. I am very worried about the people in the car, and I really hope that they are OK.

I can't find any information on the accident on the internet. The accident was right before the 335 exit on I-15, northbound. It was today at about 2:45-2:50. If anyone hears anything, I'd appreciate any information.

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De nuestra relación con la mamá de Gabriel / Of our Relationship with Gabe's Birthmom (SP)

Please read the entry in English here.

Antes de empezar, quiero aclarar que esto no está dirigido a nadie en particular. Es simplemente que muchas personas nos han hecho preguntas y comentarios acerca de nuestra relación con la mamá de Gabriel, y esta es mi manera de explicar cómo funciona esta relación. Me imagino que deben haber muchos de nuestros amigos y familiares que se preguntan también acerca de esto pero no se animan a decirnos. Espero que esto les ayude a entender o al menos a aceptar nuestra desición. Gracias.

________

Cuando les contamos a nuestros familiares y amigos acerca de nuestra relación con la mama de Gabriel (llamémosla "Amelia"), las reacciones son bastante constantes. El comentario típico es "¿Ustedes dejan que Amelia lo vea a Gabriel seguido?" con un gesto bastante sorprendido. La reacción es normal, y es de esperarse. Después de todo, cuando nosotros pensamos por primera vez en adoptar, yo pensé que mi bebe no tendría ninguna relación con su mamá, y que nosotros seríamos todo lo que el conocería en cuanto a padres. Mis miedos tenían que ver más que nada con inseguridad, en pensar que tal vez mi hijo o hija iba a querer un día irse a vivir con su mama o que la mama terminara acechando nuestra casa en medio de la noche para robar a su bebé. O al menos me imagino que esos deben haber sido mis miedos, porque mi opinión es tan radicalmente diferente de lo que era en ese entonces, que ya ni me acuerdo bien lo que pensaba.

Cuando nos contactamos con la agencia de adopción de la iglesia, fuimos invitados a una conferencia donde iban a hablar padres adoptivos, madres de chicos que fueron adoptados, y adultos que fueron adoptados cuando eran bebés o niños pequeños. El resultado fue que se me abrieron los ojos en lo que respecta a la relación de un niño adoptado con su madre natural. En todos los casos, desde todas las perspectivas posibles, una relación natural entre niños y madres crea una situación más saludable no solo para la madre, sino para el niño. Todas las personas que hablaron que fueron adoptados explicaron que ellos tienen un lugar muy especial en su corazón para sus madres naturales, pero que para ellos, sus verdaderos padres son sus padres adoptivos.

Todas las experiencias que escuchamos, los estudios que leímos, los videos que vimos, etc. nos probaron que las adopciones "abiertas", como se llaman, son mejores en todo sentido.

Todas estas razones nos llevaron a decidirnos por una adopción abierta.

Uno de nuestros blogs favoritos está escrito por una mujer que es muy activa en los círculos adoptivos. Ella siempre habla en todas las conferencias de adopción de las que hemos escuchado, y está sumamente informada en el tema. Ella adopto a dos niños y tiene una relación muy amistosa con las madres naturales de sus hijos, lo cual ha sido una experiencia muy positiva para ella, sus hijos, y las madres de sus hijos.

Cuando conocimos a "Amelia", ella nos conto que la razón por la que quería dar a su hijo por adopción era que, a pesar de que ella, su mamá, y sus hermanas podrían fácilmente criar a Gabriel, ella quería que él tuviera todo lo que la vida le pudiera ofrecer, no solamente una buena educación y un buen hogar, sino también una familia completa, incluyendo un padre. Además, ella nos dijo que prefería que su hijo fuera a una familia que no tuviera hijos, para que esa familia tuviera la oportunidad que otros tienen. Eso en sí, para mí, fue la respuesta a todas mis oraciones.

Amelia también nos dijo que, si fuera posible, le gustaría poder ver a Gabriel al menos una vez al año, y que de tanto en tanto le mandáramos fotos. Después de todo eso es lo mínimo que se puede pedir de una adopción abierta. Megan y yo pensamos que ese requisito no era razonable, y le dijimos que ella podría ver a Gabriel tantas veces como quisiera. Después de todo, el sacrificio que ella hizo por su hijo, e indirectamente por nosotros, la paso a convertir inmediatamente en nuestro ángel en la tierra. Otra cosa que hay que tener muy en claro es que ella no hizo esto por su propio beneficio, sino por el beneficio de Gabriel. No me imagino que algo pueda ser más duro que el sacrificio de una madre al dar su hijo para que pueda tener una vida mejor. Después de todo, como la amiga de Amelia dijo, “Ella no lo dio; sino que le dio más.”

Desde entonces, Amelia sólo nos llama una vez cada 4 o 6 semanas preguntando si sería posible ver a Gabriel. Nosotros somos los que la llamamos más seguido, o los que la vamos a visitar. Ella nunca impuso su voluntad de ver a su hijo, nunca vino a nuestra casa sin llamar primero, nunca nos pidió nada, ni si quiera durante el proceso de adopción, cuando ella tenía el derecho de pedir hasta tres mil dólares en efectivo para gastos personales, según los términos de la agencia de adopción. Sinceramente, Megan y yo no podríamos haber pedido por una mejor madre en este asunto, y ni hablar de la familia de Amelia, quienes la apoyaron y asistieron durante todo el proceso. La mañana después que Amelia dio a luz, yo le conté a su mamá mis preocupaciones con respecto a el trámite de adopción, especialmente mi miedo de que Amelia fuera a cambiar de opinión a último momento, como ya nos había pasado antés con otra posible adopción un año atrás, y ella fue la que nos aseguro que todo iba a salir bien, que nadie iba a cambiar de opinión, y la única que estuvo de nuestro lado cuando nadie más estuvo a nuestro alrededor para ayudarnos, ni siquiera la trabajadora social de la agencia. Cuando se trata de la mamá de Amelia, yo siento que le voy a estar en deuda por siempre.

Gabriel va a saber desde siempre que Amelia es su mama, pero que él es nuestro hijo, y que nunca le va a faltar el amor y la seguridad que se merece y que necesita. Yo sé que antes las cosas se hacían de una manera diferente, y que era una tema tabú saber que alguien era adoptado; pero las cosas han cambiado mucho desde entonces. Un muchachito que conozco que es adoptado, al igual que sus cuatro hermanos y hermanas (y que habla de una manera muy abierta y madura del tema), me mostró una sonrisa de oreja a oreja cuando le dije que había adoptado un bebé, y me dijo, con sincero entusiasmo "¡Estoy tan contento por usted que no le puedo ni explicar!"

Después de todo, ¿qué sería mejor para Gabriel, saber cómo su familia está compuesta desde el principio, o enterarse un día cuando es un adolescente que esa amiga que venía a visitar de vez en cuando es en realidad su mamá, y que le estuvimos mintiendo toda su vida acerca de su relación con nosotros?

Repito, yo entiendo y aprecio las preocupaciones que muchos tienen cuando se trata de nuestra relación con Amelia, pero ella es nuestra amiga, nosotros la queremos y vamos a estar en deuda con ella por el resto de nuestras vidas, porque ella nos dio una oportunidad que ni la naturaleza nos dio, y ella va a tener el derecho de ver a Gabriel tantas veces como quiera, mientras nosotros pensemos que sea apropiado, y, hasta ahora, su actitud y su comportamiento han sido más que apropiados y respetuosos de nuestra situación como los padres legales de Gabriel.

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Gabe Mosaic

This is a mosaic of Gabe I made with all our pictures since we got married. You can click on it to see it full size.



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Lil Gabe

It's so incredibly awesome to have Gabe at home I still can't believe it's true.

He's such a cutie. Not much to tell yet; he mostly eats, cries, burps, farts, and sleeps, and sometimes poops. He's getting chubbier, though. He was really tiny when he was born (under 5 lbs.), but now he's much bigger. He's about the size of a regular new born now.

Anyway, I was feeling pretty guilty about not writing anything about him, so here. There are plenty of pics of him on my and Meg's Facebook, so I won't fill this up with that.

More news coming... Finalization, blessing, sealing. I'm anxious for all that, but he's so cute now I don't want him to ever grow!



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Of our Relationship with Gabe's Birthmom / De nuestra relación con la mamá de Gabriel (EN)

Before starting, I want to clarify that this is not directed towards anybody in particular. Many people have asked us and commented about our relationship with our birth mom, and this is my way to explain to them how that relationship works. I imagine that there might be many of our friends and relatives who also wonder about this but don’t dare to ask. I hope this helps everybody to understand or, at least, to accept our decision. Thank you.

___________________

When we tell people about our relationship with Gabriel’s birthmother, the reactions are quite consistent. A typical reply is to say, with a surprised or concerned expression, “You let his birth mom see him often?” the reaction is normal and expected. After all, when we first thought about adopting, I didn’t want my child to have any relationship with his birth mom, and that we would be all he or she knew when it came to parents. My fears had mostly to do with my insecurities. I would think that my child one day would want to move with his birth mom, or that she would one day stalk my home while trying to steal my baby back. Or at least that’s what I think my fears were, because since then my opinion has changed so radically that I can’t really remember anymore what I used to think.

When we contacted LDS Family Services, we were invited to a conference where adoptive parents, birth moms, and adoptees would speak. The result what that my eyes were opened when it came to understanding the relationship between an adopted child and his birth mom. In each case, and from every possible angle, generally the healthiest situation for the child is when a natural and honest relationship exists between him and his birth mom. Each adoptee who spoke who happened to know his or her birth mom, said that they had a special place for them in their hearts, but they thought that their true parents were their adoptive ones (that, obviously, is only true when the adoptive parents treat their adoptive children as their own!).

From the experiences we heard, the studies we read, the videos we watched, etc., we took that open adoptions, whenever possible and agreed by both parties, are good in every way. These reasons led us to decide on one.

One of our favorite blogs is written by a lady who is very active in the adoptive circles. She speaks in every adoption conference and retreat we’ve heard about, and she is very educated on the topic. She adopted two children herself, and she has a great, friendly relationship with her birth moms, which has been nothing but good for her, her children, and the birth mothers. That is what I want for my adoptive children.

When we met Gabe’s mom, she told us that the reason why she wanted to place her son for adoption was that, even though she could have raised him herself, with the help of her mom and her sister, she wanted her child to have everything that life could offer him, including a father. Also, she told us that she wanted her son to go to a family that didn’t have children already, so they could also have the opportunity that others have. That, on itself, was the answer to all of my prayers!

Our birth mom also told us that, if possible, she would like to see Gabriel once a year and to get pictures of him once in a while. After all, that’s the minimum that can be asked of an open adoption. Both Megan and I felt that her request was not acceptable, and that she should see Gabe as much as she wanted. We think that the sacrifice she did for her son, and, indirectly, for us, made her into our personal angel on earth. Something else that needs to be made clear is that she didn’t place Gabriel for adoption for her own benefit, but for his benefit. I can’t think of a harder sacrifice than that of a mother purposely losing her child in order to give him a better life. After all, as our birth mom’s friend said, “She didn’t give him up, she gave him more.”

Since Gabriel was born, our birth mom calls us once every 4 to 6 weeks asking if it would be possible to see Gabriel. Meg and I are the ones who call her or go to her house more often. She never forced us to let her see Gabe, nor did she ever come to our house uninvited. She never asked us for anything, even though she had the right to get up to an optional $3000 in expenses, according to the terms of the adoption agency. Honestly, Meg and I couldn’t have asked for a better birth mother, not to mention her family, who supported and assisted her throughout her birth and the whole adoption process. The morning after Gabriel was born, I confessed to her mom my fears that she would change her mind regarding the adoption, and she was the one who told me not to worry, that everything was going to be alright, and was the only one to be there by our side when we needed the most help, as if we were family. I will always be grateful to her for what she did.

Gabriel will always know who his birth mom is, but he will always be our son, and he will never lack the love and security that he deserves and needs. I know that things were done differently in the past, and that it was something of a taboo to talk about adoptive relatives, but that’s not the case anymore. Adoption is a beautiful thing and something to be proud of. A little boy I know who is adopted himself, as well as his four siblings (and who talks about it openly) told me, when he found out that I had adopted a baby, while clasping his hands and grinning from ear to ear “I’m so happy for you, I can’t get over it!”

After all, what would be best for Gabriel: to know from the beginning how his family is made up or to find out when he is a teenager that we’ve been lying about who we are and who that lady who came to visit once a year is?

Again, I understand and appreciate the concerns that many have when it comes to our relationship with our birth mom, but she is our friend and we love her, and we feel we will be indebted to her for the rest of our lives, because she gave us a chance that not even nature gave us, and she will have the right to see Gabriel as often as she wants, as long as we think it appropriate, and, so far, her behavior and her attitude have been nothing less than respectful of our situation as legal parents of our child.

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Books I've Read This Year

I made it to 38. Most were young adult books (1st, because I took a YA class in college, 2nd, because I want to be able to recommend good books to my students, and 3rd, because the covers are so awesome!), so they were easy to read, but many of them were really awesome. I read a lot of crap (O'Reilly's book was particularly stupid. But of course I was biased before I started it. Not too crazy about hatred in print), and nothing particularly heady, although I read some complicated stuff in my college classes that I didn't list here because they were only excerpts. I also read some other books that I didn't list because they were too short or too dumb, to the point of being embarrassed to list them.

I was always curious of how many books I usually read a year, and 38 is not that great, but it's more than I though. We'll see how I do in 2010.

38. Fight Club By Chuck Palahniuk. I just read this because I had it in my iPod and didn't have anything else around. I loved the first 3/4 of the book. Then it got really silly. Although I already knew what was going to happen because I watched the movie, I don't like how the writer handled the main character's split personality issue, especially when the second personality starts telling the first one about his mental condition. Too Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, but without the beautiful verbosity.

37. Pontoon: A Novel of Lake Wobegon By Garrison Keillor. I love Garrison Keillor's novels. He has this awesome ability to describe something in just a few words, and you're there. This is a great book, although nothing much happens; it's mostly recollections by the different characters, but it feels very homey. Keillor is a master of the "light" stream of conscience also. He can take you into someone's head and make you go through their thought processes, disconnected as they usually are, and still don't feel dizzy or bored. Loved it.

36. Standing Up to the Madness By Amy and David Goodman. Really great information on how to stand up against what we see as unjustices, and great examples of people who did. Couldn't help feeling at times that the book was a huge ad for the radio show, though...

35. Smiles to Go By Jerry Spinelli. Spinelli is one of my favorite YA authors. That's why I was so excited about this book. And that's why it is so disappointing that it sucks...

34. The Stonekeeper By Kazu Kibuishi. This is a YA graphic novel that one of my students' parent bought for me, which is nice, but the book is the dumbest crap I've ever read.

34. Freakonomics By Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt. So awesome!! Like the authors say, the book doesn't have a unifying theme, just a bunch of facts analyzed and put together in a very cool way.

33. Lord Loss By Darren Shan. Another YA book. Way stupid. I'm definitely not recommending this to my students... (Although my students recommended it to me!)

32. Common Sense By Glen Beck. Holy cow, this guy is a big time conspiracy theorist! It's too bad you can't see him twitching on the book, though. It would have been funier.

31. To Kill a Mockingbird By Harper Lee. First time I read it. Such a beautiful book.

30. The Kite Runner By Khaled Hosseini. So sad.

29. Tear Down This Myth: How the Reagan Legacy Has Distorted Our Politics and Haunts Our Future By Will Bunch. Despite its title, it's not really a negative book, it just distinguishes the myths from the facts of his presidency ("Facts are stubborn things," like John Adams would say. Or "Facts are stupid things," like Reagan would say, when quoting John Adams). Reagan was good in many instances, not so good in many others. The bottom line is, he wasn't the amazing real life movie hero that his propaganda campaign made him to be. Tough book to read though: tons of technical information and lots of information in general in each page.

28. Three Shadows By Cyril Pedrosa. I thought it was stupid. But then, it's just my opinion...

27. Paul Goes Fishing By Michel Rabagliati. I got this book because I thought looked cool, and I was amazed to find out that it talks about foster care, infertility issues, etc. all in a very realistic and moving way.

26. Watchmen By Alan Moore. I loved the movie, so I figured I'd read the book. There are a few differences, but it was great also.

25.The Host By Stephanie Mayer. Triple gag. If it wasn't because it was all I had in my iPod while I worked in my yard, and because I really wanted to know what Stephanie Mayer would do in order to make this book interesting, I would've stopped listening to this after the first chapter. I wish I had. The super duper happy ending didn't help either.

24.Death Note By Tsugumi Ohba. Holy crap, that was long. It could've been done in 5 books. After that, it just draaaaaged. Spoilers: the good guys win.

23.A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity By Bill O'Reilly. You can't say I don't try. This is probably the most irrelevant book you'll ever read. Here you will learn what you need to do if you want to be O'Reilly's friend, about the times when he mocked French club employees because of their names, about how he tortured nuns (but it was all "in good fun"), about the times he cheated his customers when he had a painting company, of the times he sabotaged his customers' ice creams when he worked at an ice cream stand, and about at least one felony he committed and of which he seems to be very proud. You'll also be surprised to learn that he likes Bush but hates Carter and Clinton. I know, I know. Shocking. Oh, and by the way, this "is not about him." How do I know, because that's the first thing he says in the book.

22.V for Vendetta By Alan Moore and David Lloyd

21.What Obama Means for Our Culture, Our Politics, Our Future By Jabari Asim: See May 3's entry

20.The I Hate Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, Sean Hannity... Reader: Edited by Clint Willis. It's funny, but since it came out four years ago, it feels pretty outdated. A new edition would be awesome.

YA Books I had to read for my class:

19.SOUE: Book 8, The Hostile Hospital by Lemony Snicket. Ditto

18.SOUE: Book 7, The Vile Village by Lemony Snicket. This book is so dumb it's not even funny,and yet, I really need to know what's going to happen next...

17.The Devil's Arithmetic by Jane Yonel: Once you get past the excruciating intro, the book gets pretty good. The ending is amazing.

16.Homeless Bird by Gloria Whelan: Grunt.

15.Little Brother by Cory Doctorow: Interesting book about losing your privacy in time of war and fear mongering. Pretty entertaining, and, best of all, it's free from Doctorow's website. I actually read the whole thing in my cell phone.

14.Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse: Incredibly depressing. It gets better though.

13.The Wish List by Eoin Colfer: It's kind of cute, but the religious part is just weird.

12.Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card: Gag.

11.Whirligig by Paul Fleischman: I saw the guy live, and he was pretty cool. This book, not so much.

10.Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi: Very, very awesome.

9.Bronx Masquerade by Nikki Grimes: I like the multi-voice thing, and the poems explaining what's in the kids heads. I'm not too crazy about the Hispanic stereotypes, though.

8.Catcher in the Rye: First time I read this. Very cool book, although the swearing gets a little annoying (I still can't figure out what's the purpose for the swearing, because there has to be one!).

7.Tangerine, by Edward Bloor: A sort of "Blue Velvet" for middle schoolers.

6.Nothing But the Truth, by Avi: This book made me mad as hell. So I guess it's really good.

5.American Born Chinese, by Gene Luen Yang: Great book about accepting who one is. Not new age crap, though, but actual literature in graphic novel form

4.Whale Talk, by Chris Crutcher: I absolutely loved this book. Until the last chapter...

3. Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians, by Brandon Sanderson: Even more awesome than its name!

2. Who Ran my Underwear up the Flagpole? by Jerry Spinelli: the worst Spinelli I've read!

1. Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson: interesting

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Give Them a Couple of Days...

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On Friday I was standing by my classroom and I saw two of my students, who are also boyfriend and girlfriend, playing and pushing each other like every good 9th grade couple do. The boy's little brother and the girl's little sister were standing by.

"Are you guys bored waiting for those two?" I asked them. The boy smiled and nodded vigorously, while the girl, who is a 3rd grader, nodded towards them and said, cool and with a serious face:

"Just give them a couple of days."