Saturday, June 01, 2013

School's Out Forever...

Four years ago my contract with the Ogden School District wasn't renewed because they needed to get rid of tons of teachers, and I was one of the new ones. I thought it was messed up, because I was one of the very few male teachers in the school, and one of three Hispanics members of the faculty, even though our student population was roughly 90% Mexican. Oh well, you know. It's not always about statistics, and I kind of wanted out of there anyway. It was a very tough school, one of the toughest in Utah. So much so that when I saw an opening a year ago and I asked my old coworkers to help me get back in, the common response from all of them was "What are you smoking?" Some of my students were just waiting to finish 9th grade so they could go drop out and join their gangs full time. What do you do with students like that? The nice thing about the job, though, was that it was in a district, which meant tenure, regular raises, good benefits, etc.

I worked for the last four years at a charter school. Charter schools are technically public schools. They're free to the public, they need to pass their end of level tests with a certain score in order to get full funding, etc. The only difference is that they don't get the same kind of funding, so, at least in the case of my school, there aren't free buses for the students, there's no lunch provided, there isn't any kind of deal with the union, and they are basically independently ran. And less money means smaller salaries for the teachers, crappier benefits, and a lot, and I mean, a lot of new teachers, either fresh out of college or working in their teaching degrees, which are cheaper and more willing to do any crappy job that may be thrown their way. But the school does well anyway because the kind of kid who can go to a charter school usually gets a lot of support at home and are a little more motivated. We have lots of kids who come from private schools or who were home schooled. Parents have to provide their own rides and a certain amount of service hour each year, even though it's impossible to enforce. And kids can be rid of easier. It's still probably not legal, but when they want someone out, they find a way. We had a couple of students a few years ago expelled because they drank alcohol during lunch. Not even a chance to prove themselves, just out. And one of them was a really good student, so it was a shame. So it's easier to prune the student population to make it closer to ideal. District schools could never do something like that. They need to teach everybody, and that can be tricky. But that's the topic for a completely new post, so we'll skip it for now.

Now, if students are easy to get rid of, teachers are basically expendable. I don't know about other charter schools, but in mine we sign ad-will contracts which clearly specify that we can let go without any kind of reason. We can also leave without any explanation, but it's always harder for teachers. For example, I've tried to leave the school since I started there, mostly because of the lack of job stability. To get a job in a different school requires a reference from the teacher's current principal, but requiring something like that in my school is seen as a lack of school pride, loyalty, etc. My old principal refused to give me a letter of recommendation and never answered the phone or called back when the district I was applying to called to ask about me. As a consequence I was never even considered for the job. My new principal wrote me a letter back when he was a vice-principal, but I have heard from other teachers that he didn't want to write letters for other teachers who were looking for jobs. Our current vice principal literally told one of the teachers, a man who's been in the school for about five years and who brought tons of awards, new students, a good name, and pride to the school, that she didn't know him well enough to write him a letter of recommendation. Ad-will contracts benefit employers a hundred times more than they benefit employees, mostly because employees don't know their full rights, and employers think that ad-will contracts give them the right to do whatever the hell they want and get away with it. I can't even recall the number of times that our ad-will employee status was brought up in faculty meetings when asked to do a specific task that wasn't very appealing or popular.

Now, going back to the vice principal saying she didn't know my friend: it's true. She didn't know him enough because she never did an observation. The administration is supposed to do two formal evaluations of every teacher in the school twice a year. I had one in four years. "Why, what slackerish principal you happen to have," you may say. True. Teachers, at least in my school, are not a priority, as long as test results are high and there are no parent complaints. But the bottom line is, administrators in charter schools are way overworked. In a charter school there is no district office with paid employees who take care of crap like getting subs, taking care of testing, training new teachers, keeping track of teacher and student progress, payroll, HR, etc. So the two people in the office have to do everything, and as a consequence a lot slips by and isn't taken care of. Just as  a way of example let me tell ya about my experience with this year's CRT's. CRT's are the end of level tests that students have to take on Math, Science, and English. They don't really affect the students at all, but they demonstrate to the powers that be if the school is doing its job and if it deserves the funding that the state so generously grant them. This year testing is finally being done completely online. But something is required, though: working computers. That is a problem for a school that doesn't get enough money. It requires a couple of computer labs, since testing has to be done quickly and three times (for the three core classes) for every student in the building, and somebody taking care of the computers at all times. My school has two computer labs, each accommodates a full class at any given time, which is close to enough as long for what we need as the computers work. But a few of mine died suddenly right before the test one day, leaving me with not enough computers for everybody during the upcoming class period. The vice principal told me that she was in charge of testing, and that she should be contacted in case of a mishap like one, so I did. The problem is that she was in a meeting at the time, and she told me that she was busy and that I should figure it out by myself. Had we had a proper testing specialist, as we were supposed to, this wouldn't had happened.

Anyway, I forgot what I was talking about... Oh, right. Overworked administrators. Without a supporting district, they, by themselves, have to deal with curriculum, testing, behavior issues, parent complaints, teacher training, teacher observations, contracts, shipping and receiving, supervising the janitorial people, EVERYTHING! Which, I understand, is stressful and overwhelming. Where does that leave a teacher in desperate need of administrative support? In the faculty room, venting to other teachers who are just as lost or in desperate need of help.

NOT ideal.

I realize, and I have to clarify this again, that this is my unique experience. I have a friend who used to work for us but moved to a new charter school. He said that, even though he's not getting a raise, again, he's at least happy because his principal cares about teacher satisfaction and makes decisions that make sense. I haven't seen one of those for a while in my school, though. Something else I need to clarify: I love teaching. Being in the classroom with the kids is my favorite part of the work day. I enjoy it tremendously, even if at times there are kids/classes that drive me crazy. It's all the politics around it that ruins it for me. That's why I prefer morning faculty meetings: After listening to all the bullshit that the administration has to say or all the crap they have to give us, I can go to the classroom, get a kick out of my classes and students, and forget all about it. I will miss the sassiness of the 7th graders, and the "suck-up-ness" of the 6th graders, and how they all made me crack up each day.

I'm moving on. I finally got a job at a district, which, as I mentioned above, means possible tenure, steady raises, better health benefits, 401K. The works. But I'm teaching a class that I've never taught before, and which I never even pictured myself doing. I'm not scared, though. I'm actually excited. But again, I'll miss taking to semi-adults on a daily basis.

Which takes me to the whole point of this entry. I've been asked me a couple of times, "Are you happy to be done with it? Are you sad?" And I'm not sure what to say. I'm sad because I'm going to miss my interaction with the kids. Most of the kids I had in that school were my students for two years, so I got to know them really well. I guess that after a few years I figured out how to be a somewhat popular teacher without being a pushover. I was fair and I expect students to do their best. An "A" in my class represented hard work, dedication, and care. A crappy job done on time was never enough. And students knew it. A few of them hated my guts for it, but a lot of them (which surprises me to this day, since I was kind of a loser in school) liked me. I guess it has to do with what John Cleese once said of Basil Fawlty, his character on Fawlty Towers, and I'm paraphrasing, "People like a funny character. They will cheer for him and appreciate him even if that character, like in the case of Basil, is a horrible person." I don't know if I'm a horrible person, but I did try to be funny. Teaching is a performance art of me, and if I didn't get a laugh when I intended it to, I felt like a failure. Tests results were a given, though. The kids were going to pass, despite us teachers (although my principal told me last year that the 78 or so percent my 6th graders got wasn't acceptable, even though it was pretty close to the state's average of 81%, and even though my 7th grade results were way above the state's average. Not to mentioned that I had had scores way above that the two previous years. Despite all that, he said that if the scores for ALL my classes didn't go up, I wouldn't be welcomed back. This year my scores were in the 90's for both my 6th and 7th classes, but I never heard a word about it).

I understand that teaching is a thankless job. People have no idea the amount of work that goes into planning a lesson, grading papers, into all the loads of paperwork we have to fill on top of that, and the sassiness and disrespect we get from students and parents. But when on top of that the administration only focuses on the negative, the work environment is pretty much unbearable.

At the end of this year I attended two meet-ups. One was in my new school and one was on my old one. My new school's meet-up was organized by the administration. They wanted the new teachers to be acquainted with the faculty, and for the old teachers to leave with a treat and a present, and to be thanked for their work. The teachers leaving cried, and the rest cried for them. My old job's one was organized by the teachers, and it was held at a restaurant. The administration wasn't there. The teachers leaving were stoked, and the teachers staying were resigned, hoping they could move on if only they could get a better paying job, or just a letter of recommendation from the principal. The difference was, of course, truly shocking.

My last day was happy, because I've been counting the days until I was done for the last month. That's how bad things got in the least year. They were bad the previous years. We had a principal accused of embezzlement in his old district and almost ended up in jail, and since then we had a principal with absolutely no experience in administration and with barely any experience as a teacher. But our new vice principal really made this year a living hell for everybody she didn't absolutely love. The last day, after kids came and gave me notes, presents, hugs (I know. That's probably illegal, but at that point I couldn't care less), and some even looked genuinely sad that I was leaving, I didn't even have a "goodbye" from the administration. I was there for four years. I worked my  butt off for that school. I volunteered to help wherever and whenever I could. I was the official and unofficial mentor for a bunch of the new teachers. I was the tech guy who would help everyone with their SmartBoards, computers, projectors, or whatever, when they needed it, since we didn't have anybody else who would do it. I even handed out cords and electronic supplies that I had bought with my own money. And I fixed all the 40 computers that they found in that forgotten closet, for free. After four years of that, I didn't even get a hand shake or a freaking word of thanks. I literally left the school and it was like I was never there.

School ended at 12:30 on Friday. As I left the school to meet the other teachers at the restaurant, I got a notification on my phone telling me that there was a problem logging in into my school email. They had closed it. All my emails were gone. The nice notes from parents, the reproaches and complaints from the administration. My students' good and crappy papers. And with it all the Google Docs they shared with me: their quizzes, essays, slideshow presentations, the movies they made in my class. Even my lesson videos I posted on YouTube. All gone. Again, as if I'd never even been there.



Am I sad? Happy? I don't know. I had absolutely no closure. At the end of every other year, in both schools, and even in the school where I student taught, we were asked to bring our computers and keys to our exit interviews, where we were told us if we had  a job the next school year or not (Most teachers who had one of those interviews this year are not coming back. The turnover every year in that school is so huge that no company would give them unemployment coverage), but this year they didn't even give an exit interview to the teachers who chose to leave. We simply had to leave our computers and keys in our mail boxes. I told myself that the fact that we didn't have to sign a paper saying that our things were actually returned made it so I didn't feel any kind of closure. But no, it wasn't that. It's the fact that I gave that school four years of my life and nobody had the courtesy to even shake my hand or at least to say "bye." Nothing. I walked out of the school as if I was going to come back the next day. But I'm not. I'm literally never going back there. And since my email account was closed, I probably will never receive a note from anybody either.

So what am I feeling then? I feel like I closed a very complicated book in the middle, a book that I loved and hated, a book that I couldn't wait to end but that I enjoyed tremendously at the same time, and just threw it away, wondering what would have happened next.

Saturday, May 04, 2013

Random School Stuff

After four years at Legacy, I'm leaving. I got a part time job teaching the first grade Spanish dual immersion class, with the option of teaching full time next year. Dream scenario? Meg and I teaching there, with Gabe attending our classes, not only making it convenient, but he will finally learn Spanish. Yay school system for doing what I should have done these past three years!

Anyway, with four weeks left, we're all counting days, giving finals, packing and getting ready to leave, etc. These are some snapshots of the last few days.

This is the view from my window. Isn't that sweet? Of course, the girls who wrote that immediately ran into my classroom yelling, "Did you see what we wrote?"

These are some actual answers to my final test:

Answer 12 is my favorite


She forgot to study... Sigh

Again, question 12 is the best. Not in the "correct" form of best,
but still...

#19 is actually supposed to say "indefinite." That's not even creative spelling!

"The Cute Matthew" is an actual kid...


And this is why students actually need to be taught that bullying
is not just shoving kids into lockers. Ahhh!


Every time Meg comes to pick me up from school, for some reason Gabe wants
to drive in my car. But we all know who's his favorite...

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Old LDS Treasures

Like old Mormon books? Check out my eBay store!

First item sold: Jesus the Christ, 1922 edition.

Most impressive item ever: Mormon Doctrine, green, second edition, signed by Bruce R. McConkie.

Personal favorite: 1958 Relief Society Magazine.

The one I don't understand how it's taking so long to sell: No Man Knows My History, first edition (cheap!).

Author's funniest name: Paul Cheesman.



Sunday, April 29, 2012

Rocks!

We decided that putting mulch and bark chips in parts of our yard wasn't such a good idea because they rot, disintegrate, and get blown by the wind. So we got rocks. We called our friendly neighbor rock retailer, Staker Parson, and they informed us that the minimum purchase with delivery was 5 tons. "Awesome!" we though, before we realize that 5 tons is a really, really huge amount of rocks. But we have lots of places where to put rocks, so we are still positive that we'll find a place to put them all...

Rocks in the patch by the fence. Previously filled with decolored, patchy bark chips:

Rocks in our former "weed patch," now looking even better thanks to our cheap 1" rocks. They are actually very colorful, but only when they are wet. The rest of the time they look kind of dull, especially when they are dirty, which is most of the time, because, you know, they're rocks, and they're outside...


The remaining pile of rocks after applying said rocks everywhere we could think of:



Drama Gabe


The big "island" around the tree. We did this because we're sick of raking piles of pine needles every summer. Besides, the pine needles burn the grass, so that area always looks brownish anyway.




And finally, the boxes below our front windows. These "boxes" were covered in ugly, thorny bushes. We got rid of them, and a couple of years later, still no grass. one of them partly because of the toxic pine needles.


This one is not completely bordered with bigger rocks, but it will soon be. Sorry about the crappy picture:


General view of the yard now:



We're planning to put some rocks in the bare strip by the sidewalk fence, and some in the parking strip. I think we should have enough for both, but I'm sure that by the time we finish with all that, we're still going to have a mountain of rocks left.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Bye

This blog has been indefinitely closed due to lack of stuff to write about and to Facebook, which is way more interactive. You're all there anyway.

We will be back when we move, make more big home projects, or adopt another child.

Bye!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Here We Go

First day of school. I email parents asking them to please allow their students to have an email so they can edit each other's papers on Google Docs, or to let them use their emails if they don't want their kids to open one, and I get the response from the one parent who always has to make some smart-a%# remark:

We will have her use my account, since kids are not allowed emails (by law) until they are 12.  I thought you may want to know.


Not the first kid I have from her. Actually, this is the third one. And although the kids are awesome, having to deal with her gives me a toothache each time I see her kids. Such a shame.

Monday, August 01, 2011

Gabe Playing the Harmonica


He's dancing too, mostly tapping his foot, but for the first time playing it, it's pretty good, huh?

Friday, July 22, 2011

Jul. 2011, Gabe Update - Gabe, al día

*En castellano abajo de las fotos*

Gabe's been walking for about six months, babbling and saying a few words for a little while, most in English, some in Spanish. His most recurrent words and things like that:

- Ball
- Shoes
- Agua
- Auto
- Wow
- All done
- Baba, and when I'm lucky, leche (both stand for milk. One's a made up word, one's Spanish)
- No
- Banana
- Daddy
- Doggy
- Grrrrrhhhaaaww (that's his pig noise he learned from Peppa Pig)
And ocassionally, apple, mommy, up, at (that means TV).

He can high five and give me a terrorist bump, or like liberals like to call it, a fist bump. We're trying to get him out of his binky, but as soon as he sees it, he pops it in his mouth. He likes to watch Signing Time, Yo Gabba Gabba, and when there's nothing left, Peppa Pig. Peppa Pig is OUR favorite, though, so while we laugh our heads off watching that, he is running around destroying the house.

He's usually the smallest kid in the playground, so other kids either push him around, to which he reacts getting all tense and yelling at them, or they look at him weird, as if he had leprecy or something worse when he comes and stands in front of them. He is way social, and he likes to get in the faces of other kids. He things that's a way of saying "Hey, I'm Gabe, and I would very much like to play with you for a little while. I hope you don't mind." If the other kids have food, they move it away like an angry dog protecting his lunch. If not, they just walk away. I think Gabe hasn't made the connection yet and realized that he needs a new strategy.

He loves water, and he went swimming twice this week. The first time it started thundering two minutes after we got in the water, so he was disconsolate when we pulled him out. The second time he stayed for longer, but it was a little colder, so he was happy when, forty minutes later, he was finally wrapped in his towel.





Gabe REALLY likes bread


For what I understand, Gabe's part Irish, so he can wear this all year long!



Gabriel ha estado caminando por unos seis meses, hablando en su propio idioma y diciendo algunas palabras en castellano e inglés. Sus palabras más comunes:

- Ball

- Shoes
- Agua
- Auto
- Wow
- All done
- Baba, y cuando tengo suerte, leche
- No
- Banana
- Daddy
- Doggy
- Grrrrrhhhaaaww (ese es el ruido que hacen los chanchos según con Gabe)
y a veces apple, mami, up, at (eso significa "tele").

Puede darme cinco, pero solamente levanta la mano y espera que uno se la choque. Estamos tratando de sacarle el chupete, pero en cuanto lo ve, lo agarra y se lo pone en la boca. Si encuentra dos chupetes, se pone uno en la boca, y al ratito se lo saca para ponerse el otro. Le gusta mirar Signing Time, un programa que le enseña a hablar por señas, pero hasta ahora no aprendió ninguna. Le gusta Yo Gabba Gabba, un programa que parece haber sido escrito por un grupo de adolescentes fumando marihuana, y Peppa Pig, un dibujito de una chanchita y su familia. Peppa Pig es el favorito mío y de Megan, pero no de Gabe, asi que cuando miramos eso, Megan y yo nos matamos de risa, el está por ahí destruyendo la casa.

Gabe is generalmente el más chiquito en el parque, asi que los otros chicos o lo empujan, a lo cual reacciona poniendose tenso y gritandoles, o lo miran raro, somo si tuviera lepra o algo peor cuando Gabe se les para al frente y los mira con su sonrisita. Es muy social, y se les acerca demasiado a los otros chicos, en su "espacio personal", o su "burbuja" como les dicen aca. Esa es su manera de decir, "buenas tardes. Yo me llamo Gabriel, y me gustaría mucho jugar con vos por un ratito, si no es mucha molestia". Si los chicos tienen comida, la esconden como un perro enojado al que le tratan de quitar el almuerzo, y si no tienen nada, simplemente se las toman. Me parece que Gabriel todavía no se dio cuenta que necesita una estrategia nueva.


   
Signing Time - Yo Gabba Gabba - Peppa Pig

Monday, June 27, 2011

Why I'm a Girl on Etsy

After I bought my first e-reader for Christmas (a now already old generation Barnes and Noble Nook), I was broke, but I still wanted a cover for it. I thought it would be pretty cool to hollow out a book and use it as a cover, so I looked online how to do that, and after a few months, I think I'm close to being decent. My first hollow book was ok. The Nook fitted well and it looked nice, especially because I gutted the newest Garrison Keillor book. Sad. I'm never doing that again.

I then found some cheap hard covers at Hastings ($1.00. Not bad) so I got a bunch and made some hollow books out of that. I then found brand new books at Barnes and Noble for $2.00, so I got some of those as well. I now use whatever looks nice and it's big enough. I had seen some leather journals at Ross and TJ Maxx that I thought would make nice Nook covers, but since I was looking for a journal for myself, it took me forever to find something I could carry around without feeling self-conscious, or without having to justify my sexual orientation. I finally found a really nice brown leather journal with a flap with snap-on buttons, which I got at once and proceed to destroy.

I kind of messed it up with that coin


As I kept going back to the store to find more of those awesome looking journals, I kept finding pink, flowery, cutesy journals that I wouldn't find myself dead carrying, but I figured that other people would like to, more specifically women, you know. So, once I had more hollowed out journals that I knew what to do with, I finally opened my Etsy store. Since my hollow books ended up being quite cutesy, I decided to make an equally cutesy banner, so I decided to conceal my name from it, and the fact that I'm a guy! Hey, it's all about the money. And the fact that it's a lot of fun to make these hollow books. So yeah, I'm a girl on Etsy.

See what I mean?


By the way, the store's address: http://www.etsy.com/shop/hollowbooks. Check it out. They're cheap!

Most of my hollowed books are journals, but I will do an actual book now and then. I thought it would be fun to look for interesting words as I carved, and then I put them together in a kind of MadLibs sort of way. This is what I came up with after butchering A Summer of Butterflies:

Remordimiento literario - Literary Guilt

__ ¡En Español! ________________________

Mientras más aprendo de literatura, siento que tengo que leer más y más libros. ¿El problema? Que soy un lector muy vago, y lento, y lo que es peor, acabo de comprar un libro llamado "1001 libros que debe leer antes de morir". Un bajón. Y eso que el libro ese no incluye a Shakespeare, y a la mayoría de los escritores en español que vale la pena leer, así que la lista es en realidad el doble de larga. Si consideramos que lea un libro cada dos semanas, calculo que voy a terminar de leer esos 2000 libros cuando tenga 116 años. Algunos libros van a llevarme más tiempo, así que redondeemos a 120 para estar seguros.

Ojalá pudiera convencerme de que en realidad no es necesario, que puedo ver la películal, o algo así, y que eso sería suficiente, pero después de ver todas las versiones de El Principe y el Mendigo o Wuthering Height, me alegra de que leí los libros primero, así que eso no ayuda. Hay otras peliculas como Harry Potter, o el DaVinci Code, o los libros de Stieg Larsson que si uno las ve, no le hace falta leer el libro, porque no se perdería nada, pero esos libros no están en mi lista de libros para leer, asi que eso tampoco ayuda.

Un libro que he estado de leer por años es el Ulises, de Joyce. Lo empecé tres veces. La primera vez intenté leerlo sin ninguna ayuda, pero terminé aburrido, confundido, y curioso, porque no tenía idea de lo que había acabado de leer. Después imprimí el resumen de los capítulos de Wikipedia y traté de usarlos como un "bastón" para ayudarme, pero no sirvió mucho, ya que me perdí como el 80% de las referencias en el libro. Finalmente usé las SparksNotes (libros que tienen resumenes y análisis de los capitulos generalmente usados por estudiantes vagos que no quieren leer el libro). Como es un libro finito, lo pegué atrás de una de las versiones de Ulises que tengo, y leí los resumenes y análisis antes de cada capítulo, y a pesar de que entendí la historia (más o menos), todavía no entendí las referencias. La primera página del capítulo 3 me llevó como una hora y me parece que es una historia de la creación del mundo, aunque ni Wikipedia ni SparksNotes mencionan nada de eso. Hay un podcast dedicado al libro, pero después de un año de podcast semanales, el autor cubrió solamente el primer capítulo del libro, y no quiero esperar los 18 años que el proyecto parece que va a llevar. ¿Y por qué trato tanto de terminar el libro? Porque está entre los mejores libros en todas las listas que he visto, y TENGO que saber de que se trata, o por qué es tan importante. A veces desearía que pudiera ser como mi maestra de griego en la facultad, a la que le pregunté durante un final, "¿Leyó el Ulises de Joyce?" "No", me respondió. "No tengo tiempo". Que lindo ser así.

Es cierto que hay algunos clasicos que son tan grandes que podrían parar la puerta de una catedral, y sin embargo lo más importante en esos libros es la historia y no el lenguage. Me imagino que los libros de Homero en el original griego deben de haber sido increíbles en la belleza del idioma y la poesía debe de haber sido conmovedores, pero cuando leo las versiones en inglés o español, todo eso parece haberse perdido, y todo lo que nos queda es la historia. Por supuesto que finalmente lo acepté despues de haber leído las primeras 180 páginas de las 330 de mi edición de la Ilíada. A diferencia del Ulises, que es dificilísimo de entender, la Ilíada es simplemente difícil de leer porque tiene tantos detalles que hacen que el libro sea lento y aburrido. Uno aprende los nombres de todos los soldados que todos los otros soldados matan, sus países de origen, el nombre del padre de cada soldado, y la manera en que murieron. Después de haber leído casi la mitad del libro, decidí que si leo un buen resumen de cada capítulo va a ser suficiente. Por supuesto que hay capítulos que uno tiene que leer, como la pelea entre Aquiles y Hector, o cuando Priam va a buscar el cuerpo de su hijo y tiene que negociar con Aquiles, pero los capítulos de las batallas se pueden facilmente saltear y uno no se pierde mucho.

Me imagino que esa culpa que siento por no leer más viene de algun tipo de problema mental que adquirí como consecuencia de leer demasiadas traducciones mediocres de buenos libros, o por comer tanto chinchulín de chico. Quién sabe. Lo que sí sé es que si puedo encontrar una justificación para NO LEER esos 2000 libros antes de morir, voy a tener una vida mucho más agradable. Como diría Kanye West, "Yo no leo libros. Yo hablo con la gente y escucho sus historias directamente". Perdón, ¿dije Kanye West? Ignoren eso, por favor. Después de todo, todavía me gustaría comunicarme con frases y oraciones enteras y no haciendo ruidos como cavernicola, así que creo que voy a seguir leyendo. Además, no puedo empezar a imaginarme dónde va el coso ese si quiere aprender algo de historia antigua, ya que todos sus protagonistas ya estiraron la pata. Pero realmente necesito encontrar una manera de deshacerme del constante remordimiento cada vez que veo mis "bibliotecas." Y desafortunadamente Kanye West y su logica infalible todavía no me han ayudado.

__ English, please! ____________________

The more I learn about literature, the more books I feel I NEED to read. The problem? I'm a lazy reader. And I'm slow. And to make things worse, I just bought a book called "1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die." Now that's encouraging. And that book doesn't even include Shakespeare, or any of the most amazing Spanish writers, so the list is probably twice as long as that. Considering that I may read one book every two weeks, that means I'll read those 2000 books (there will be a bunch of new books I want to read. "The Psychopath Test," for example, is in my personal list and it just came out) by the time I'm 116. Of course some books take longer, and at times my Nook may run out of battery, so let's round at 120, just to be sure.


I really wish I could convince myself that that's really not necessary, that I can just watch the movie, or something, and that's be enough. But then, after watching all the versions of "Wuthering Heights," I'm really glad I also read the book, so that doesn't help. Of course you can just watch the Harry Potter movies, or the "girl" movies ("The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo" and so on), or any Dan Brown or John Girshman movie and you won't miss anything, but those books don't even make the list of books I want to read, so that doesn't help either.


I really tried to read Joyce's "Ulysses." I started it about three times. The first time I tried to just read it back to back without further ado, but that just let me bored, confused, and curious, since I had to idea what I had just read. Next, I printed out the chapter summaries from Wikipedia and went at it with that help, but that didn't make much of a difference, since I still missed about 80% of all the references in the book. Finally, I tried the Sparks Notes (I actually bought them and glued them to one of my copies of the book), and it helped me understand what the plot was, but I still didn't get any of the references. I now found a 24 hour lecture on the book which will hopefully help me get through it and actually say that I got it. There's also a podcast dedicated to the book, but after a year of weekly posts, the author only covered the first chapter, and I really don't want to wait 18 years before the project is finished. And why do I go through all that trouble? Because Ulysses is at the top of every serious book list in the world, so of course I have to read it. I so wish I could be like my college Greek professor, to whom I asked during an oral final test once, "Did you read Joyce's Ulysses?" "No," she responded. "I don't have the time." Lucky.


But then, there are some classics that are so big they could stop a cathedral's door and yet are mostly about the plot. I know, I know, if you read Homer's books in the original Greek they're probably beautiful, and the poetry is probably moving, but I haven't read any translation that moves me with its very words to the level that other books in their original language have done. To me, the Iliad and the Odyssey are mostly about plot. Of course I found that out after I read the first 180 pages of the total 330 in my edition. What I did was to read the plot summary on sparksnotes.com and then read the chapter, to make sure I understood what was going on. Unlike Ulysses, which is terrible hard to understand, the Iliad is quite simple, but what makes it hard to read is the painful description of each soldier's family background. Half what I've read so far is an account of who killed whom, literally, with the names of the soldiers, the name of the country they came from, and the name of their fathers. I have decided, at this point, that after reading a few kids' versions, I can just read the Sparks Notes and I will know exactly what the book is about. So, instead of taking a month to read that, I can take 30 minutes. It took me about three weeks to figure it out (I told you I was slow), but I'm most definitely not spending another three weeks finishing it, and however long the Odyssey was going to take me. Of course there are chapters that I need to read, like the battle between Hector and Achilles (they did a beautiful reading of that chapter on Selected Shorts, which makes me think of what those old retelling of the book might have been like in the ancient Greece), and the chapter where Priam goes to get his son's body from Achilles. Other than that, you can skip all the battle scenes and read a summary instead and you'll be fine.


So there you go. I imagine that my self-inflicted book related guilt trips may be related to some kind of mental issue I've acquired while reading too many crappy translations of good books, or by eating too much cow intestines as a kid, who knows. All I know is that if I can find ways to justify NOT READING those 2000 books by the time I die, I will have a lot more time to enjoy life. Or like Kanye West would say "I don't read books. I rather talk to real people and hear their stories." Did I say Kanye West? Nevermind, I would still like to be able to communicate with actual words instead of mumbling, so I'll definitely keep reading. Besides, I can't begin to imagine who he would need to talk to if he wanted to learn something about ancient history, since, you know, they're all dead and stuff. But I really need to work on a way to get rid of the guilt! Unfortunately, Kanye's flawless logic ain't done it yet.